How to Be More Asian
A few tips on how to fit in just a little bit easier in this crazy continent we call Asia.
A friend of mine once told me that I am the most Asian person she knows. Being a tall, blonde, outspoken female who hates karaoke, I find that rather odd. But I suppose it’s true that I have developed rather Asian tastes and tendencies. It certainly helps to fit in over here to some degree. So I thought I’d put together a list of things you can do to help you incorporate a little more Asian into your every day life.
- Learn to like durian. The number one thing that separates foreigners from locals in Asia is whether or not you like durian. For the most part, foreigners think it’s disgusting. Asians (and I) love it. Someone once pointed out that it’s like a combination between a mango and an onion, if you can imagine such a thing, but with the consistency of overripe avocado. It’s delicious. Give it a go, and if you don’t like it, goddamn it, keep eating it until you do.
- Walk through traffic without flinching. It takes a while to get used to the traffic in Southeast Asia. It’s fast and relentless. Crosswalks mean nothing. If you want to cross a busy street, you just have to take a deep breath and walk out like you mean it. They’ll stop. A sign of a true Asian is the one who walks through rush-hour traffic while texting on her cellphone.
- Get yourself a pair of knock-off Havaianas. Every Asian has a pair.
- Sing to yourself. Loudly. With karaoke being so popular, people are much more used to others randomly breaking out into song in the middle of…well, anything. Give it a try! It’s good fun.
- Stop being so demanding. Be overly appreciative and overly courteous, and overly patient for absolutely everything. Never raise your voice, never lose your temper, and never, ever cause someone to lose face.
- Stick your nose into other people’s business. Ask them, right after meeting them, how old they are, if they’re married, what their job is, where they’re staying, and if they have any communicable diseases.
- Learn to prefer squat toilets to western ones. Because, to be honest, often they are preferable. When the toilet area conditions are really horrible (as they are in most of Asia), it is better to squat and hover than sit and stew. Think about it.
- Learn to live with cockroaches, iguanas, and other friendly fiddlers. You may not want them in your bed or your backpack, but they’re around and they’re pretty harmless. Now, mosquitoes, on the other hand – bite those suckers before they bite you!!
- Get regular massages. Asians believe that massages are a part of a healthy lifestyle, which is why they’re so cheap over here. Go with it!