It all started at Rock Bar. Rock Bar is a hip, chilled out place where locals and tourists in the know go to drink good beer, listen to good reggae, and watch amazing fire shows. Amy and I went there last night as a pre-Chaweng warm up. Chaweng, you see, is the crazy part of town – the Las Vegas of Samui. You can’t go there before midnight.
We got to talking to the bartenders at Rock Bar, who seemed to be very sweet boys. When we told them we were going to Chaweng, one of them, Dia, asked if we could give him a ride (Amy and I both had motorbikes) because he lives in Chaweng. He also said that he would like to come out to the club.
So we hop on our bikes – he’s driving mine cuz mine’s a manual and I barely feel confident enough just driving myself, let alone another human being. We head for Chaweng.
On the way, he mentions that often, Thai boys aren’t allowed into the Green Mango (the club we were headed to). But I tell him that we would try to help him get in by vouching for him and saying he was with us.
Happily, they did let him in. We danced – well, Amy and I danced while Dia kind of sat and bumped his head around awkwardly – until the club closed at 3am.
Not ready to go home (well not me, anyways, Amy was falling asleep standing up), we headed over to another bar. I turn to Amy and kind of shook her awake and tell her I’m ok for her to go home. It’s just one straight road basically to get back home, so I knew she would be fine. And she was.
But as soon as she leaves, Dia takes my hand and leads me on to the dance floor. I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression because I was really not interested in him, so I tell him I’m going to go walk around and come back.
I wound up chatting with a very gorgeous British boy who had just arrived in Thailand six hours prior with his twin brother and cousin. We really hit it off, and decided to go for a walk on the beach, and then Dia comes over and says it’s time to go.
“Um, ok, but you live in Chaweng,” I say, hoping he’ll get the hint. But of course, he does not.
“You drive me home,” he says. Cheeky boy! I think, but I oblige because he says it’s only two blocks away.
So there’s me, sandwiched on my bike between Dia (who’s driving) and British boy (silly me, can’t remember his name). Dia turns to me and says “You told me you would drive me to Rock Bar.”
“Um, no I didn’t, Dia. You said you lived in Chaweng.”
The conversation goes on like this for a bit, all the while, Dia is driving a little bit wobbly, and British boy is shitting himself on the back.
“You scared man!?” Dia asks British boy.
“Dia stop acting so weird,” I say. I’m getting quite pissed off at this point.
I have a little chat with British boy and ask him if it’s cool if we drive Dia back to Rock Bar (which is about 20 minutes away) and then come back to Chaweng. I think to myself that this will make Dia stop acting so crazy. Dia, meanwhile, is saying threatening things to British boy and I’m yelling at him (Dia), telling him to stop being such a crazy douche bag. British boy says it’s cool, but then Dia has trouble keeping the bike stable with three people on it. So British boy asks to get off. I tell Dia to pull over, and let British boy off.
Then British boy stands at the side of the road, saying that he can’t just let me go with this crazy guy on my own. “Yeah, but this is my bike,” I say. Then, bless his heart, he offers to go on the bike with Dia to take Dia back to Rock Bar.
Obviously, Dia will have NONE of that.
It goes on like this, with us stopping and starting and letting British boy on and off, about three times. Finally, British boy decides that he’s going to walk back (we’ve now taken him about 5km from his resort in Chaweng).
I tell him that I will go and drop Dia off, and come back to pick him up.
So, we part ways. Now, it’s just me and Dia. The whole way back, Dia and I are screaming at each other. He’s telling me that I told him I would drive him back to Lamai (not true at all), and that I led him on (also not true at all), and not to screw around with Thais. I blew my lid. I was so sick of being threatened and I was like, “You think I’m scared of you? You want to do something? Go ahead! Do it right now! I know you’re not going to. You think I’m just another dumb farang (foreigner) who you can fuck around with, but I tell you something buddy you messed with the WRONG girl.”
And so on.
Oh meanwhile, he’s still driving MY bike. So suddenly he’s like, “You wanna go back to Chaweng? I’ll take you back to Chaweng!”
I’m like, “Oh great, you could have done that like 20 minutes ago before we left my new friend at the side of the road at 4am.”
So he turns the bike around and speeds back to Chaweng. He tells me that he can stay with his friend. He might have mentioned that before.
Oh but the story doesn’t end there.
We get to his friends’ place in Chaweng, and he looks at me and says that my bike key is gone.
“What do you mean my bike key is gone?” I ask.
“Sometimes, it fall out.”
“How were you DRIVING without a key!?” I ask.
“Don’t need key to drive.”
Well obviously, we have to go back and look for the key. I’m skeptical that he’s hidden it in his pockets, but he promises me he didn’t. So we go all the way back to Lamai (where I am staying, and where Rock Bar is - about 10k from Chaweng) looking for the key. Of course, we don’t find it.
He keeps going on about how foreign girls are so crazy and he’s such and angel and peace and love and all kinds of other bull shit, and at this point, I’m so sick of arguing and yelling that I just stop responding. I’m tired. It’s 5am, and there’s no key in sight.
We get to New Hut, and I tell him he can take a taxi from there cuz there is no WAY I’m wasting my gas driving him back to Rock Bar.
Of course, I’m not evil so I make sure he has a taxi (even though I’m FUMING) before I leave him on the side of the road. At this point, it’s too late to go back for British boy, so I retire to my hut.
Amy had been calling me all the while to make sure I was ok, so she was up and freaking out when I got back. I recount (quite loudly, she tells me this morning) the whole story to her. She laughs and gapes incredulously.
“He seemed like such a nice guy!” she says. And it’s true – he did. “Guess we can’t go back to Rock Bar now,” she adds. Guess not.
We finally fall asleep as the sun came up.