 RIP my love
Last Thursday, I threw away "the travel shorts" - you know, the ones that you've known you should throw out for the last few months, but you keep wearing them, despite the hole in the bum and the fact that you have to use a hair tie to hold them up (or is that just me?). They were truly in tatters, and Amy kept begging me to throw them away, subtly pointing me in the direction of the new jean shorts aisle at many clothing markets.
But those shorts got me through a hell of a lot of traveling! I first bought them right before my drive across Canada, four years ago, where I believe I wore them daily. Since then, they were sported every summer and any time a hot destination was reached (since jean shorts and winter in cold countries like the UK and Japan don't tend to mix).
Since I arrived in Southeast Asia, these shorts have helped me through a lot - from my near-death experience in Boracay, to caving in Koh Lanta, to surviving the sketchy Indonesian boat trip, to partying in Samui, to beaching in Kuta, Lombok, they've seen it all.
By the end, though, the denim was so soft and thin, it felt like I could easily poke my finger through it, and the hole in the bum meant I always had to wear underwear (that's a JOKE! I almost always wear underwear). They were so overworn that I had to tie a hair elastic at the sides so that they didn't fall down when I walked (of course I could have gotten them sewn but they were just kind of beyond that point, you know?).
But I couldn't bring myself to do it until I bought a new top and realized that something had to go. I hadn't worn them in quite a while (since they're vaguely embarrassing), so I thought, ok shorts, it's your time. Now they sit at the bottom of a garbage bin in Siem Reap. Where they belong.
But they will always be in my heart.
Last Updated ( Wednesday, 18 November 2009 13:47 )
Yesterday I was up for an entire 24 hours.
The alarms went off at 4:30am, which is a SICK time to wake up (the bad kind of sick). We went to the lobby where we were meeting up with our group, and waited around for our tuktuk. The front desk had arranged one for us the night before.
After 10 minutes we finally asked the receptionist when the tuktuk was coming and he shrugged and said “tuktuk not coming. Driver came but left when I tell him you want to go from sunrise to sunset.”
We looked at him incredulously: “What do you mean he’s not coming!? We’ve got to be there in 20 minutes or we’ll miss sunrise!!” (and I did NOT wake up at 4:30am to MISS sunrise!!).
So we run out and luckily find a tuktuk driver willing to take us right then and there. We cram five of us into the carriage (uncomfortable to say the least), and then his tuktuk proceeds to go about 20km an hour to the temples.
You know the most beautiful part of sunrise – where the dusk turns to vibrant pinks, reds and oranges that spread across the sky (for those of you like me who rarely see sunrise, it’s like sunset in reverse) – that’s the part that happened while we were still on the tuktuk. 
We arrived at Angkor Wat just in time to catch the tail end of sunrise, which was beautiful enough, for sure, but we’d have quite liked to have gotten there 10 minutes earlier.
From there, we proceeded to spend the whole day scurrying from temple to temple, climbing about the ruins, and taking silly photos.
Sunset was nearly as spectacular as sunrise, with the sun becoming a huge red ball that sank into the distance in a perfect circle, untouched by a single cloud. 
In the evening, we decided to go out and celebrate our very cultural day (and the fact that we can now tick Angkor Wat off the life’s to-do list). We went out for a lovely meal, and then proceeded to drink gin and tonics – something that is ALWAYS followed by copious amounts of dancing.
In fact, I danced so much, that I reached down and felt my dress, only to realize it was completely soaked with sweat. But it was amazing.
After that, Amy and I went to get some food at a street side stand, and were accosted by three beautiful children begging us for money. I bought them a tub of formula, which is what they chose from the store.
We later learned that they always get naïve falang to buy them formula, which they can then resell on the street for cash. I felt so stupid when I learned this, but at least now I know.
Amy and I finally called it a night as my alarm went off at 4:35am – the alarm I had set the day before to wake us up for Angkor Wat. It was a full 24 hours, and it was a wicked day.
Last Updated ( Friday, 13 November 2009 12:54 )
Siem Reap is totally my favourite place in Cambodia. Even though our first night here, some asshole made me cry because I told him that I couldn't find the conditioner I like in Phnom Penh. It's a long story. But don't worry, we had a shite load of fun after that incident. It's quite touristy here, but not in a Khao San Rd. way. As a friend of mine put it yesterday, there are a lot of 'grown-ups' here. Ie. it's not all backpackers, which is a neat change. But don't get me wrong, there are still a ton of backpackers. Today, Amy and I went to an orphanage which I will post about soon. The kids were SO sweet and they all wanted to hold our hands and give us high-fives. Their English was impressive, and they were very clever. They performed an incredible traditional Khmer dance for us, and then we taught them the only dance we could think of - Slap Leather (the line dance we learned in grade 8). The orphanage is funded 100% by donations, which makes me so sad because that means when the donations dry up, the kids go hungry. The director says he is up until 2am every night writing e-mails for donations. I totally fell in love with these kids. I can't wait until I have money so I can send them some. Amy and I brought them M&Ms, pens, bouncy balls and Canada tattoos, which they loved, and we donated what we could, but you never feel like it's enough. Tomorrow we're going to see the infamous Angkor Wat early, early in the morning. I was going to skip the sunrise since I'm not a morning person, but it's too difficult to meet up with them after that and I kinda have to stick with Amers cuz she's got a camera and I don't. It'll be fun anyways - we've got a group of four going. Well I gotta get to bed cuz I am NOT going to be a pretty sight at 4:30am. Yikes. Shit.
Last Updated ( Wednesday, 11 November 2009 14:56 )
So yesterday, Amy and I were trying to enjoy our free wifi in peace, when some rather obnoxious boy (not a boy at all, but 27) and his friend (both Cambodian) sat at our table with us. We’re in Kep now, by the way, which is in Southwest Cambodia.
The one boy – his name is Visal – had taken quite a liking to Amy when we’d spoken to him the night before. He was doing everything that a guy should not do if he wants to impress a girl, and being incredibly creepy while doing it. In fact, at one point, we were showing him pictures of our tour guide from that day (to see if he knew him, because our tour guide knew Visal and he said he’s quite the ‘playa’), and he came across a picture of Amy, and he whipped out his camera phone and took a picture of the picture. CREEPY. Then he asked us if he could take a picture of us on his camera phone, and we said no, he’d have to get permission from our agents first, so he pretended to be texting someone, but I got up and walked behind him and caught him taking a picture of Amy anyways!! CREEP!  Creepy Visal
Oh the best part is that he happens to live in the same guest house we are staying at, since he works right next door. So when we got home, I run into the bathroom to pee, and I hear Amy squealing from through the door that there is a rat in our room. So I run out and look around for it, but of course it’s hiding somewhere. Downstairs I go, to try and explain to the people who run our guesthouse that there is a rat in our room. Of course they don’t speak a word (not a WORD) of English, so I have to play charades and use my fingers to demonstrate something scurrying along the floor, and use my hand to show that it has a tail.
And what does she do? She gets out the toilet paper to give to me. Haha. "No, no," I try to explain, "it’s a RAT." So she goes outside and calls to someone. Who enters the hallway, but Visal – creepy boy. I explain that it’s a rat, and he looks at me and says “something wrong with your toilet?”
“NO! It’s a RAT!!” I’m getting a bit frustrated at this point.
So he and the woman climb the stairs and go into our room with a broom. They move our bags around, only to discover a giant spider hiding under Amy’s bag. “It’s a spider!” I say to Amy, “not a rat!”
“No,” she says, “it was definitely a rat or a mouse.”
So now we’ve got both a giant spider and a rat/mouse to deal with. So they chase us out of the room and close the door, and Amy and I listen from the hallway as they run around the room, slamming the broom various times. Finally, they emerge from the room holding a dead mouse by the tail, which they proceed to throw over the balcony.
“Did you get the spider too?” we ask.
They go back in, take a shoe, and boom, it’s gone. Good.
So then Visal is looking around our room, and looking at us all creepy like. We’re appreciative to him for having cleared out our insect/rodent horror house, but now we just want him gone. Instead, he points to both our beds, and says something about each of us sleeping in both beds, which we don’t understand at all, but we’re sure he’s being creepy again.
Then, Amy notices a giant beetle. We ask him to get rid of that too, but there has been enough killing tonight, so we ask him not to kill it but just to get it out of our room, which he does.  The beetle (pic a bit fuzzy cuz the freakin thing is huge and Amers didn't want to get too close)
Then he stands in our doorway and smiles – like a creep.
“OK well thank you so much, you’re very kind, but we’re going to go to bed now.” And we close the door with him still standing there, smiling all creepy-like. Amy and I look at each other, shrug, and say "Well, at least we got toilet paper."
Last Updated ( Sunday, 08 November 2009 04:15 )
We’ve been chillin’ in sunny (far too sunny) Sihanoukville with our German buds Anna-Maria and Benjamin for the past few days. 
In the ocean after a long time away from it.........fully clothed
The first night, it just happened to be a full moon. Well, you know what that means in Southeast Asia. The night ended in us being covered in body paint, swimming in our dresses, and consuming the biggest, most fantastic burger of our lives (what Amy termed the two-dead-animals-in-one-burger meal…chicken, cheese and bacony heaven). Sihanoukville is pretty cool – definitely a backpacker town. The main beach was absolutely packed when we arrived, because the water festival (the second-biggest festival of the year) is in Phnom Penh right now and so many of the Phnom Penhers have come down for a break from the craziness. A few days back, we had a crazy little incident with a tuktuk driver taking us to a beach a few kilometers from here. Our tuktuk was unsuccessfully climbing a steep hill, and the next thing we knew, it slowed to a stop, and we heard a bang, and our tuktuk driver saying softly, “help me, help me.” We looked over to see the tuktuk’s motorcycle vertical to the road, our tuktuk driver wedged in between the bike and the tuktuk. First, we stopped the tuktuk from rolling backwards, then we helped him out of the incredibly painful position he was in. His back was badly bruised and we encouraged him to get medical help but he responded that he was “a man.” Right. The beach – Otres beach – was lovely. White sand, and cool, fresh ocean water. The vendors were slightly obnoxious, until we met a group of very clever young girls. The cleverest of the group, Srayon, asked Amy if she wanted her legs threaded. Amy, understandably frustrated at having been asked this question numerous times by numerous vendors, replied that in Canada, boys like girls with leg hair. Srayon didn’t miss a beat: “You can lie to me, but don’t lie to yourself,” she says in perfect English. Amy and I both cracked up. Yesterday, we found two lovely little cafés for breakfast and…well…late breakfast. The first was Q&A, which is a library-type café with a shite load of books. The second was The Starfish Bakery, which has lovely baked goods, and exclusively hires disabled people that would struggle finding meaningful jobs elsewhere. Both were around the downtown area. 
On the way to downtown, there is a traffic circle with these two lions in a compromising position...
In the evening, we headed to the Waterstation Hill area, where Anna-Maria had heard there were lovely sunsets to be seen, and Amy had heard of a nice little restaurant. The sunset, unfortunately, was slightly disappointing (nothing compared to Don Det), and the restaurant Amy had heard of had been closed for over a year. What we discovered about Weatherstation Hill, though, is that the area is extremely ‘ex-pat’-y and full of girly bars. Yuck. My overall opinion of Sihanoukville? It’s a fun beach resort town, but still can’t compare to Thailand’s beaches...but I guess not much can. Today, we’re headed to a little-known backpacker secret island called Rabbit Island. Secret’s out, bitches! PS Blonde Traveler Tip of the Day: Phnom Penh is not pronounced, as most of us think, pe-nom pen, but actually just nom pen
Last Updated ( Thursday, 05 November 2009 03:54 )
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 This group ain't gettin any good karma Bet you didn’t know that Cambodians choose the colour of their dress according to the day of the week.
With roots in Hinduism, Cambodians have a belief that each day of the week has an auspicious colour, which is worn as clothing or used as decorations for events, national holidays, and parties.
There is a general acceptance throughout the nation that wearing a day’s corresponding colour will make the wearer “shine, look fresh, and give out a new atmosphere.” That said, if you ever see a male Cambodian wearing the colour corresponding to the day of the week, it's more than likely that his girlfriend/wife pushed him to wear it.
Days of the Week and their Corresponding ColoursMonday Yellow Tuesday Pink Wednesday Green Thursday Orange Friday Blue Saturday Purple Sunday Red
Khmers and Thais believe that each day is protected by a certain planet, and the empowered colour gives off good karma.
Last Updated ( Wednesday, 04 November 2009 15:08 )
 Screw being polite - it's time to spice things up Bored of the usual where are you from, what do you do back home, how long are you traveling for, where have you been, etc. etc. etc. questions that you almost have to ask fellow travelers when you first meet them?
Amy and I have put together a list of questions that should add a zing to any conversation. Just start with hi, my name is _______, and then proceed with one or more of the following:
1) When was your last poo?
2) Where were you conceived?
3) When’s the last time you had illicit relations?
4) How many times have you ingested illegal substances?
5) Do you find me attractive? Would your Dad?
6) What are your thoughts on incest?
7) Have you ever had an abortion?
8) How much do you weigh?
9) Have you accepted Jesus into your heart?
10) Are you wearing deodorant?
11) How much money do you make?
12) Are you on your period?
13) Can I touch your crotch?
14) What’s your sexual orientation?
15) Have you ever peed in the shower?
16) Do you have nude pictures of yourself on your camera? Will you send them to me? Here’s my e-mail:
17) Do you work in the sex industry?
18) Have you ever thought about getting that removed?
19) Do you mind if I hit on your boyfriend?
20) Have you looked in a mirror lately?
21) Did you know that you bear a striking resemblance to Stalin?
22) Have you had a nosejob?
23) When’s the last time you showered?
24) Did you graduate high school?
25) What prescription medications are you on?
Last Updated ( Tuesday, 03 November 2009 14:34 )
Yarrrrr tis no Halloween wit-out me bottl-a-Rum
What a night we had last night! Halloween in Phnom Penh, Cambodia - why not? Sure, no one else was dressed up, but we had a fantastic time in our pirate costumes that we put together from clothing purchased at Asian women's clothing stores (the funny thing is there were tons of pirate-like clothes to choose from). Amy, in her house-wife amazingness ways, cut us up two eye patches from a vest that came with my shirt. Meet: Kail'r the Sailor and Shamey 
The night before, we'd met some local expats, and they invited us to come to the Pickled Parrot on Halloween for the bar's fifth birthday. Free drinks, free food. Obviously, we went. It was an interesting (but not new at all) thing to be in a bar full of white men and gorgeous Cambodian women, and their beautiful halfie children (is that un-PC to say?). We met up with a German couple who we keep running into (we originally met them on the way to Tad-lo, back in Laos). After the Pickled Parrot, they stole our eye patches so that we could all be pirates, and we got a $4 bottle of rum to really live the life of sailors. Then we hit up the next bar: Sharkeys. Here, we met up with Packo (he's the one who invited us to the Pickled Parrot), John the Baptist (I don't think that's his real name), Angus, and some other guys who teach English in Phnom Penh. 
Us with Packo and John the Baptist at Sharkeys
Near the end of the evening, we happened upon a security guard, who wasn't, to say the least, doing his job: 
All in all, a spoooook-tacular Halloween in Phnom Penh.
Last Updated ( Sunday, 01 November 2009 08:54 )
 Cambodians are incredibly sweet and happy people Well I’ve now been in Cambodia for nearly a week, and I have to say that I have mixed feelings about it. I thought this post would be best organized by good vs. bad bits of the country.
The Good• Cambodians are so incredibly sweet: We’ve met so many people who greet us with huge smiles, and treat us as part of their family. You don’t get that kind of treatment in many parts of Southeast Asia. The kids on the street seem genuinely keen to say ‘hi’ to us, rather than just wanting to sell us something or ask us for money. It’s a really nice feeling.
• Shit is cheap: This is one cheap country. In Banlung (the northeast, where I’ve just come from), our guest house bill was about $35 each for three nights, with pretty much every meal eaten at their restaurant plus a beer or two, and our bus tickets to Phnom Penh. Phnom Penh is a bit more expensive, but still quite cheap.
• The sunsets are incredible! I mean, they were amazing in Southern Laos too, and they are just as lovely here – the sun seems to stay in the sky forever as it gets oranger and turns the sky a lovely jewel-like pinky-purple. Beautiful!
• It’s not overly touristy: You feel like you kind of have to make your own way in Cambodia a little bit. English is not widely spoken, and it’s surprisingly challenging to get around, unlike say, Thailand, where you are basically in one big, permanent tour group. It makes things a bit more interesting.
The Bad• The tuktuk drivers: it’s possible that we get harassed more here for tuktuks and motorbike rides than anywhere else we’ve been (including Bali!!). It is, of course, especially bad in Phnom Penh. You get asked at least 20 times walking down a small street, and if you want to walk anywhere over a long distance, you might blow your lid. It’s overwhelming and incredibly annoying. But you also have to feel bad for them because there are clearly far too many tourists for the number of tuktuks.
• Khmer is the most difficult language I’ve EVER encountered: No one warned me how incredibly difficult Khmer is, and I’m shocked. It’s not tonal, which should make it a bit easier, but it’s got these damn double consonants that English tongues have massive difficulty with like “dt” – when I’ve tried to pronounce this, Cambodians just throw their heads back and laugh at me.
• Phnom Penh lacks any kind of modernity: OK, I know that as a seasoned traveler, I’m supposed to love the fact that Starbucks and Boots haven’t taken over a major city, but I have to be honest, I was really hoping for a caramel macchiato and a Cosmopolitan magazine. I mean, it’s understandable that Vientiane was pretty much free of Western chains, but I thought that with over three million people, Phnom Penh might have some kind of Western-oriented shopping mall. After numerous tuktuks and three disappointing malls, we’ve discover that it does not. Ah well, guess we’ll have to wait for Saigon.
So that’s all I’ve got so far. More impressions to come shortly. Stay tuned.
Last Updated ( Friday, 30 October 2009 15:19 )
 Padded bums are happy bums on the slow boat down the Mekong1. ATMs in Laos only let you withdraw 700,000 kip at a time (about $80 USD), so it makes the most sense to withdraw as much as you can in Thailand (which lets you withdraw up to 20,000 baht, or about $650 USD) and then exchange it as you go 2. Always check the expiry date of packaged food before you buy it – almost everything here is past the expiry date 3. On a similar note, turn the water bottle upside down before you purchase it, to make sure there are no green floaties in it (I don’t know what they are, but they were in a bottle I almost bought) 4. A pillow will make your life easier – comfort is a thing of luxury in Laos, and therefore there does not seem to be much of it. If you want help surviving those long boat rides, bumpy bus rides, or board-hard mattresses, some extra padding will go a long way 5. Don’t bring your camera tubing in Vang Vieng – I lost mine and many others have done the same; it makes it an extremely pricey day 6. On a similar note, make an effort to not accept all the alcohol that each bartender will try to pour down your throat when you’re tubing in Vang Vieng – it’s much more fun if you can actually remember the tubing experience 7. The bowling alley in Luang Prabang is overrated (it’s eerie and the lighting is clinical) – the locals head to a club nearby (about 3km away) called Dao Fa, which is open until about 1-2am 8. Check out Vientiane for yourself before taking other people’s advice on it – many people say it’s not worth staying there more than one night, but I actually found it quite charming 9. ATMs in Southern Laos are extremely rare (there are a couple in Pakxe, and that’s pretty much it) – exchange or withdraw any money you might need before you head down there 10. Similarly, internet in Southern Laos is rare, and when you do find it, expensive – you might find yourself disconnected for a while 11. If you’re going to Cambodia from Laos by bus, do not book your bus ticket farther than Stung Treng (the closest Cambodian border town). Many travelers have been ripped off by purchasing tickets as far as Siem Reap in Cambodia, only to cross the border and find that no one will honour the second leg of their ticket 12. Bring a stack of pens with you on trip to remote villages. The sweet Lao children will run up to you and ask only for a simple pen. It’s so adorable and heart-wrenching at the same time their faces light up if you have one to give them. Best is if you have enough for all the children – about 15-20 should do
Last Updated ( Thursday, 29 October 2009 08:48 )
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