PostHeaderIcon Editor's Blog


What's up dudes. Welcome to my blog. I'm going to be keeping you all updated on my journey around Southeast Asia. I promise to keep you posted on my goings on, blonde moments (there'll be many), and far out adventures. Please also help keep this site going by sending me a little sugar if you really dig it.
 

PostHeaderIcon The Funny Thing That Happened to Sophie - Chapter 2

Present

Sophie reached her arms above her head and stretched her body out. She let her lungs fill with the fresh, misty jungle air. The morning sun was hot. She carefully untangled herself from her hammock and rose to her feet.

“Selemat pagi, Giyang,” she called out to the tiny man cooking breakfast, wishing him good morning in Indonesian.

He twisted his small, stocky torso away from the frying pan, which contained a large fish stuffed with pineapple and nuts, and flashed her a big smile. “Selemat pagi, So-pee!” 

She pushed her hips to either side, and then bent her body backwards to stretch out all the kinks. Her nobbly knees cracked loudly. She didn’t know if she’d ever be completely used to sleeping in the crescent-shaped position the hammock forced her body into.

Four small children ran up to her, shrieking and giggling as they wrapped their tiny arms around her well-defined shoulders, and pulled her down to the ground. “So-pee! So-pee! So-pee!” They cried out, as she gave them all hugs and wished them all good morning.

“Good morning!” cried the littlest boy, in near-perfect English, showing off the big gap in his front teeth, his pink gums gleaming in the morning sun. She’d taught them well. Sophie remembered how much of a struggle it had been when she’d first arrived and was trying to communicate.

Arya was a good boy. He’d been one of the first who had been able to look her in the eye without blushing or giggling. The rest had all been much more difficult to win over. 

***

Four months ago

Sophie threw her bag on the floor, drained from her half-hour bike ride from work, though it was mostly downhill. 

No one was home. She kicked off her black Converse shoes (her favourites) and headed down the long hallway for the kitchen. Her Mom had left her a note saying that dinner was in the fridge. Even at 23, her Mom was still taking care of her.

Sophie hated that she still lived with her parents, who never seemed to grasp the fact that she was now a fully-grown adult who could be trusted with fully-grown adult responsibilities. Instead, she had a 12am curfew, and a ban against alcohol and drugs and anything else in the gray area of the law that people of her age tend to dabble and indulge in. Though Sophie didn’t drink or do drugs anyways, nor did she ever feel the need to stay out late, she resented her parents’ rules.

Still, she couldn’t afford to move out until she was done school.

The fridge made a loud kissing sound as she opened it. Grabbing a plate of leftover extra-cheese pizza, Sophie sauntered in to the living room and collapsed onto the plush leather sofa. With her slender build, she didn’t really have to watch what she ate, but she did wish to God that she could slim down her thick, puffy ankles. She stuck one leg in the air and glared at her hated ankles as she took a bite of her warm, rubbery pizza, stretching out a long, gooey string of cheese that Sophie wrapped thrice around her finger and licked away.

Robotically, she reached for the remote and clicked on her huge plasma screen TV – her Dad’s 55PthP birthday present from her grandparents.

Sophie’s grandparents were loaded. They lived in a posh beach-side mansion, where they had a wait staff and all the opulence rich people enjoy. Sophie cringed at being fussed over by the hired help when she went over to visit, but she put up with it because her grandma always slipped her a $100 bill at the end of her visit (and lord knows you don’t refuse Grandma J).

There was nothing on the TV. Sophie glanced at her watch – it was only 6pm. Still too early for the Discovery Channel special. 

She flipped through the channels again and stumbled upon something that caught her eye. It was a Pilot Guides special on Flores, Indonesia. Sophie thought back to the strange conversation she’d had that afternoon with Peter. It had ended rather oddly, with him giving her a final glance before sliding out the door and disappearing before she could ask him any more questions. Sophie had shrugged off the goose bumps that spread across every crevice of her body (even the backs of her knees) as a reaction to the drafty room, and tried to push Peter out of her head. 

But now all she could see were his bluey-brown eyes boring into her soul.

She shook her head as if doing so would shake her mind clear again like an etch-a-sketch. Before long, she found herself drawn in to the TV program, which featured a funny-looking 30-something British man exploring the complexities of the small Indonesian island. As the show went on, she learned that Indonesia had more different species of animals than the entire continent of Africa; she learned that Indonesia was formed when part of the Asian continent and the Australian continent slammed into each other, making it the only country in the world where tigers and cousins of kangaroos exist together. 

The funny-looking guide sat on a dirty bus, looking out the cloudy window at the poor shanty-towns going by, while upbeat, contemplative music chimed in the background. 

Sophie rolled her eyes at the TV show and clicked the TV off. It must be nice for some people to be able to travel half-way around the world just to learn things they could have read in a book, she thought, though she didn’t even really believe her own thoughts.

Stretching one arm up in the air, and putting it behind her head, Sophie lay back on the sofa and stared at the long crack that stretched from the centre of her ceiling to the far left wall near the kitchen.

Sophie had been brought up to do normal things. She went to a normal school, she ate normal food, she wore normal clothes, kept her hair a normal colour, and she dated normal boys. Her parents were both very ordinary – her Dad a dentist and her Mom a real estate agent. When her parents did make it home for dinner (which wasn’t often), they sat around the dinner table and talked about normal things. The economy, Grandma J’s failing health, the hockey playoffs. 

Sophie had not really thought much about the limitations of her life – the stringent borders that were being slowly constructed around her. But for the past few weeks – or maybe it was months – something inside Sophie had been jumping all around like a bouncy ball stuck inside her chest, pounding on her heart and lungs every so often without warning. She felt trapped in her normal life. Every time the bouncy ball hit a nerve, Sophie would feel urges she’d never paid much attention to before. She wanted to dance on tables, jump off bridges, climb active volcanoes. She wanted to lead an abnormal life.

She didn’t dare tell anyone about these urges. Normalcy was a kind of religion in her area, a meat and potatoes-eating suburb of Ottawa, Canada. To cross it would be akin to walking naked through Kabul.

The God of Normalcy was, of course, the 9-to-5 job. Everything revolved around the 9-to-5 job – it completely dictated how people ran their lives. It told them when to wake up, when to eat, when to relax, how to dress, how to behave, and it had the added bonus of healthcare benefits (and how many religions can claim that?). 

And the thing about the religion of Normalcy was that Normalites (or whatever you’d like to call them) were quick to cast out anyone who broke their sacred vows. People who dyed their hair electric blue, believed in conspiracy theories, or joined the circus, were scorned at the traditional hangouts of the Normal people (supermarkets, the neighbourhood park, and Chinese food restaurants).

Sophie resented the binding confinement to Normalcy that being born into a community like hers had dictated. She knew that if she didn’t do something about it now, her life would fall into place in such a way that she’d be trapped in Averageville until she had the mandatory midlife crisis that required her to get an asymmetrical haircut, commit adultery, and take up belly dancing.

A dull clicking sound of keys in the lock from down the hall told Sophie that her Dad was home from work. She didn’t shift from her position sprawled on the sofa, even though she knew it was her Dad’s favourite spot to collapse after work. 

He strolled into the living room, scratching at the five o’clock shadow forming on his chin. “Soph!” he said, as his long face contorted into a yawn, “how was your day?”

“It was fine, Pops, and you?”

“Oh Rodney’s son came back in with some major tooth pains and we had to do another root canal, and afterwards, he discovered his insurance didn’t cover two root canals in the same month – BIG production at the clinic.”

“Hm.” Sophie wasn’t all that interested in dentistry dramas but she tried to indulge her Dad, who didn’t really have much else to talk about. She smiled and tried to look amused.

“Ya so what’s for din?” He asked.

“Leftovers in the fridge.”

~

Later that night, Sophie was lying on her bed, trying to concentrate on her newest Jackie Collins, which she generally did quite well. Not tonight. Tonight, her mind was elsewhere.

She put a tiny dog-ear onto the page of her book and placed it on the corner of her dresser. 

Sporting her pink and purple plaid pyjamas, she sauntered down the hall to her Dad’s study, and sat herself cross-legged on his overly upright chair. He was bent over a calculator on his desk, with papers scattered everywhere around it.

He glanced up from his concentrated stare. “Oh hey Soph. Sorry didn’t hear you come in. Just going over my credit card statements.” Sophie’s Dad shuffled through the pile of papers and picked out another one, and then began punching in numbers on his giant calculator.

“Dad, that calculator’s from like 1904. Don’t you think it’s time for an upgrade?”

He looked up. “What, are you embarrassed that your old man can’t keep up with the times?” Her Dad smiled and loosened his tie.

Sophie swiveled around in the chair. “Dad?” she asked, “have you ever felt the need to do something completely crazy?”

A curious look came over her Dad’s face. “Yes, I suppose so. Why do you ask, Soph?”
“Oh…I dunno.” Sophie pursed her lips and looked at the floor. A stack of nearly-new dentistry textbooks were piled half-way up the wall. Her Dad had been planning to put up a bookshelf for years, but had never got around to it.

A few moments of silence passed, and the ticking of the clock on the wall became louder with each passing second. Looking up over his thick-rimmed glasses, Sophie’s Dad cocked his head to the side. “Have you ever thought about taking a gap-year?” he asked her.

Sophie’s head shot up to catch his expression, which she expected to be a sarcastic grin. Surely his suggestion was a joke.

“I mean, all the kids are doing it nowadays, and traveling is a great education. I’ve been meaning to suggest it for a while now, actually, but I guess the opportunity never presented itself. Your school year’s almost done – it’s perfect timing!”

Before she could respond, her Dad was shuffling through his papers again. He smiled as he found the one he was looking for. “Ah here it is,” he said, running his eyes up and down a thick letter that appeared to be from a credit card company. “It’s funny because just last week, I received a call from a lovely gentleman at American Express who said that since I had spent a certain amount on my credit card in the last month – all the new surgical equipment, you know? – I had been automatically entered into their latest draw, and that I had won. He tells me I’d won a return air ticket to Indonesia. Of course, I didn’t really believe it, but just today, this letter of congratulations arrived in the mail, and--” her Dad pulled out a rectangular, glossy piece of paper with rounded edges, “lookey here! This is it!”

Sophie took the paper from him, and turned it so she could see that it was, indeed, an open air ticket to Indonesia, via United Airlines. 

Sophie felt dizzy, as though she’d stood up too fast, though she was still sitting. This was the same father who wouldn’t let her play on the big swing at the playground when she was little, even though all of her friends were allowed.

The thought of traveling scared the shit out of Sophie. She’d only left Canada once, on a family road trip to New York City – and that had been a total nightmare of a weekend with traffic jams, border confusion, long lines, and rude tourists. 

Sophie’s Dad caught her wide-eyed grimace, and chuckled. “Well, it’s there if you want it, Soph. Your Mom and I certainly don’t have the time to use it.”

“You know what, Dad?” she blurted out, before she had a chance to change her mind. “I think I’ll go.”


 

PostHeaderIcon What I've Learned About Bangkok

Bangkok nights
Bangkok is the city that never sleeps...

I can’t sleep and it’s 3:21am, but the great thing about being a nocturnal writer I do my best writing at this hour. It’s actually the same time of the night that I started writing my novel.

I thought it might be an appropriate opportunity to discuss what I’ve learned about how Bangkok works in the month that I have now lived here. Being the hour that it is, you'll notice that these points have little to do with one another (nothing, in fact!), but I'm sure you can forgive me because I've got Britney Spears "3" playing over and over in my head and I can't bloody concentrate. Nevertheless, they are each interesting points in their own way.

Firstly, I’ve learned that Bangkok happens at night. There have been days when I’ve spent an entire day sending out e-mail after e-mail, and receiving no response in return for my efforts (seriously, not one!), I drag my frustrated self out to have a drink with a friend, and in less than an hour, I’ve met someone who knows someone who can hook me up with whatever it was I am looking for. If you don’t go out at night, you don’t meet people, and you don’t make the vital connections needed to survive in this city. It’s the great paradox of working life in Bangkok that you have to clink glasses in the eve if you want to step up a rung on the working ladder during the day.

Secondly, I’ve learned that Bangkok is absolutely chocked full of fascinating people. Everybody’s got some kind of crazy story to tell, and usually a pretty interesting reason for being here. I always love meeting new people, but I have been thrilled by how many of these people I could easily consider to be friends after just a few encounters.

Thirdly, I’ve learned that if you add the word “ka” to any English word or phrase you say, as long as you say the entire phrase with a Thai accent, you can fool many a taxi driver into thinking that you speak Thai. Whenever I get into a taxi, I put on my best Thai accent and say “Phaya Thai BTS, ka” (I live right next to this skytrain stop). Without fail, the taxi driver will look at me in the rearview mirror and say “Oh!! Speak Thai!”. “Neet Noy,” I reply (which means a little, which is a total lie because I know about 15 Thai phrases, which I don’t think even qualifies as ‘a little’). But then I add “meter, ka?” and as long as you say this, making sure to put the “ka” at the end, they will put the meter on. If you do not, they will take you for a ride like they love to do to foreigners and try to charge you 200 baht for what would have been a 60 baht taxi ride.

Those are just a few things I’ve picked up. I’ll keep adding to the list and maybe one day I can use it in my book. I mean…what? Night!

Last Updated ( Monday, 15 February 2010 20:58 )

 

PostHeaderIcon The Wolfpack

The wolfpack
A few members of the pack
 
It’s not every day that you meet people who you click with instantly. Normally friendships tend to be slightly awkward at first, each person not quite sure where the boundaries lie and what jokes the other will think is funny.

With the friends I have made in Bangkok, it’s just the opposite. Though I’ve only known them for a month now, it feels like we’ve been friends for ages.

One of my friends, Dave, decided to form a group called the Wolfpack (inspired, I believe, by the Hangover). At first, it was guys-only, but then they invited a few girls to join, and join we did! Now we all have wolf names (I am Krazy Wolf) and we post stupid videos on our Wolfpack Facebook page daily.

The group now has 22 members.

There are major plans for the group, including massive parties and initiations for new members.

But the most important thing about the pack is that we stick together and support each other. It's the kind of net anyone would want upon moving to a new city. I am so lucky to be surrounded by such amazing people.

God I love Bangkok.

Last Updated ( Friday, 12 February 2010 07:57 )

 

PostHeaderIcon The Funny Thing That Happened To Sophie: Chapter One

Some of you may know that I am in the (very long) process of writing a novel. It's not my first stint at fiction - back in grade six, I had my entire class hooked on my thriller Terror on the Ice. I can't remember what happened but I'm fairly sure there was death by figure skate.

This book is not quite so RL Stein. It's more of a fantasy-faction-inquiry-into-how-the-world-really-works, based, of course, in Southeast Asia. I started writing it about six months ago at 3am in Padangbai, Bali, Indonesia, when I couldn't sleep.

I've got a few chapters done and I've decided to start publishing it bi-weekly (perhaps more often if I am able to) on my blog. This will also force me to continue writing it, which I haven't done for a while.

Here is chapter 1! Enjoy:)

-your friendly neighbourhood Blonde Traveler

 

The Funny Thing That Happened to Sophie

Chapter 1

 

Present

It wasn’t the thunderous snoring of the three tiny men sleeping at her feet that caused Sophie’s eyes to burst open out of a dead sleep. Nor was it the brightness of the stars dusted across the night sky. Nor was it the tickle of the ants crawling around the nooks in her feet. Nor was it the crashing of the waves against the volcanic sand beach 10 meters away. No, Sophie had a nightmare that she was back home working her old boring job and living her old boring life.

She wobbled about in her hammock, and placed a long leg on the sand below to stabilize herself. She was almost used to not sleeping in a bed, but once in a while, she would turn the wrong way and tumble out of her thick-stringed net onto the soft sand below. 

But she would just smile, push herself off the ground, and climb back into her faithful, if slightly scratchy, hammock, which had been her bed for the past three months. 

She hadn’t planned for all this to happen. She’d always dreamt of coming to Indonesia. But she never thought it would actually materialize. She certainly never thought she’d wind up in this kind of situation.


***


Four months ago

Sophie had never been the adventurous type. She’d always been the quiet one, the last one to raise her hand in class, the odd man out in basketball games, the one to pick ‘truth’ when everyone else picked ‘dare’. 

In university, she chose not to have any roommates, and stayed up at night studying astrological patterns.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like parties or sports or dares. It was just that something was missing from her…something that would give her that extra push to actually do those things she’d love to do. She wasn’t sure what it was, but it might have been called mojo.

When she wasn’t gazing at the stars (on paper or in the sky), she was reading about girls who were all the things she wasn’t. She hungrily read books about confident, happy, crazy women who had the guts to pursue their dreams. 

Of course, she had a job as well. It wasn’t anything too exciting. No, Sophie worked in the school psych department. It was her job to conduct interviews with participants of psychological case studies (ie. University students who needed the $10 for drinking money). The questions usually revolved around the person’s goals, aspirations and fears. One would think this would be a terribly intriguing exercise – learning other people’s secret desires and hidden horrors, but actually most people gave pretty routine answers. 

I hope to find a good wife, and a good job.

I want to make lots of money doing nothing.

I’m afraid my parents will cut me off.

I’m scared I won’t graduate because I spend too much time partying.

I hope I beat level five on Halo II tonight.

Not exactly heart-wrenching stuff.

That’s why when Peter walked into the small, white room in which the interviews were conducted, and sat on the metal fold out chair, Sophie didn’t give him much thought at all. 

His black jeans clung to his skinny legs, and his plaid shirt tucked in to them in a loose way that made him look both laid-back and clean-cut. He adjusted his aviator sunglasses, perched on top of his softly-gelled (or was it wax? clay?) brown hair, and looked around.

“Not much to it, is there?”

Sophie followed his gaze around the room. “No, I guess not. The room’s not really used for any other purposes.”

He gave her that side-smile that only very self-assured people can give, and rested an arm over the back of his chair.

“So, let’s have it, uhh, sorry, didn’t catch your name?”

“Sophie,” she replied, glancing down at her clipboard.

“So Sophie, shoot away.”

Sophie blurted out the necessary formalities just as she had hundreds of times before. “…your answers will not be published without your permission...” “…you hereby agree to grant access to your stated answers to the psychologists involved in the study…”…blah, blah, blah.

She quickly moved on to the questions. Peter was her last interview, and she wanted to get out of here before dark, since Discovery Channel was doing a feature on the history of constellation Cassiopeia at 7pm. 

“Woah, woah, woah,” Peter said, leaning forward in his chair. “Slow down there Sophie. You’re going too fast. What’s that last question again?”

Sophie sighed. These second years’ brains can be so sluggish.

“Please state a persistent fear that you think about at least once a week, if not more, and that occasionally disturbs your sleeping patterns.”

Peter sat back in his chair. His expression changed, and he was silent. He cracked the knuckles on his right hand, one by one, with his thumb. The hollow clicking sound bounced off the walls.

Sophie pressed a sigh back down her throat. She noticed Peter’s eyes. They were so intensely brown, with a vague hint of a cobalt blue tint. He leaned forward again and widened his gaze. Sophie felt her lungs uncontrollably fill with air.

“Have you ever felt like there was more to life than this?” He asked her, continuing to press his gaze into hers.

Sophie wasn’t used to being asked questions. Luckily, Peter didn’t give her a chance to respond.

“Have you ever felt like there was more than going to school, getting  job, getting married, having kids, retiring…have you ever felt like we’re all on a giant treadmill?”

Every day of my life!!! Sophie wanted to scream, but she kept silent.

Peter closed his eyes for a second. Then they shot back open and shocked Sophie’s system as he continued, “My fear is of being stuck on that treadmill. My fear is that I’ll graduate from this school with a relatively decent, but not stellar, education, get a half-decent job that pays enough so that after working my ass off for five years I can afford a down-payment on a two-storey house in the suburbs, find a wife who vaguely reminds me of my dream girl, but doesn’t really come close, and live my ‘happily ever after’ with her and our two kids, and then maybe we’ll save enough money to move to a retirement community in Florida.” Peter closed his eyes and relaxed his shoulders. He swallowed hard and Sophie noticed his prominent adam’s apple jut from his neck. “That’s what keeps me up at night, Sophie. The treadmill is my greatest fear.”

Sophie held his gaze. Peter’s words had really hit home. Sophie leaned the clipboard against the leg of her chair, then she uncrossed and recrossed her legs. She noticed that one of her shoelaces was undone.

“So what are you going to do about it?” She asked. Her question surprised even herself. It was unlike her to ask anyone anything that wasn’t pre-scripted.

But Peter just smiled, like he’d been expecting that question. 

“Well, I know this guy in Bali who runs a surf camp. He told me about this underground society on a nearby island, where metaphysics and astrology are the abided laws of the land, no one has a proper job, but everyone has duties, people wake up when they feel like it, study what they like, do their tasks when needed, and eat food fresh from the land. They have very little contact with the outside world – they exist on their own time.”

Peter’s brown eyes were burning their way through her skull, sending pulsations into the pit of her stomach, like he could feel her adrenaline piling upon itself as he went on about this awesome thing.

“They don’t marry, they only have children if they feel like it, they play games, and wash themselves in the fresh spring waterfalls. At night, they tell stories about the gods of the stars, as they gaze at the clear sky.”

Sophie leaned forward in her chair, and tucked her long, ashy blonde hair behind her ears. 

Peter’s voice dropped to a loud whisper, “The clan is mostly unknown to the western world. People who hear about it think it’s a myth. The reason is, you can’t just decide to join this society. They have to decide to let you join, to allow you to live among them, and then they will find you. It’s an amazing aligning of the stars that must take place though, since you won’t know where to find them until they come looking for you.”

The cobalt blue in Peter’s eyes seemed to twinkle. 

Instead of being cynical and critical as per usual, Sophie bore her eyes even deeper into his. “So…when are you going?”

Last Updated ( Sunday, 07 February 2010 11:20 )

 

PostHeaderIcon Anatomy of a Visa Run

Got it biatch! 

Sunday

18:45   I cram far more than two days’ worth of clothes and supplies into my rollie suitcase and head for the train station. Hey, you never know what situation will arise where you may need your hair curler and hair spray.

20:15   The train starts rolling fifteen minutes behind schedule. Not bad, I think.

21:00   I’m reading my book quite intently when a girl comes up to me and says, “I go sleep now!” and walks away. The seats have to be converted into a bed, and I climb up to my top bunk. I read for a bit, then pop two Dramamine and pass out.

Monday

06:30   I wake up feeling pretty well-rested but look at my watch an realize it’s way too early to be awake. But I’m starving, so I mow down the honey roasted sunflower seeds I’d stashed in my purse and go back to sleep.

09:20   I wake up again to someone calling out something in Thai. I worry that I’ve missed my stop, but then realize that’s impossible because it’s the last stop on the line. A gentleman sitting adjacent to me informs me we’re two hours behind schedule and won’t be arriving until 10:30am. This means I won’t make it to the Thai embassy today, since usually they close for visa services at noon. I’m annoyed and put my pouty face on.

10:00   I head to the dining cart for some breakfast. Even though I’m not hungry, I reckon it may be my only chance to eat for most of the day. Besides, I could really use some coffee. I order the only breakfast that sounds edible. The coffee that accompanies it is so horrible I can even swallow it, and the juice is a freakish neon orange colour, so I don’t touch it either. The meal itself is rather unsatisfying, and now I am feeling rather dehydrated.

11:00   After paying the extortionate $42 for the Laos visa, which I’m going to make use of for all of two days (why are Canadians forced to pay the most expensive Laos visa fee? What did we do to these Laotians?), I grab a minivan with a bunch of other tourists into the town centre. I find myself at a Canadian-owned café with free wifi and spend most of the afternoon there.

15:00   I meet my host, Patrick. Patrick is also a member of Couch Surfing, and I had written him a last-minute request the day before to ask if I could stay with him. He’d replied that he’d been grumpy at work lately and had been refusing couch surfers, but since my references were so great (yay!) he would take me in.

15:20   Patrick’s place is fantastic – not far from the centre of town, and freaking huge for Asia (not to mention spotless – he has a full-time maid, who also cooks dinner!). Plus he’s a really laid-back, cool guy, and much better looking than his profile picture revealed. We head to the local gym, which is actually of very high standard, where I pay 55,000 kip (about $5) for a workout and the best massage I’ve had in ages.

19:00   Patrick and I have eaten, chatted, and are now watching a Ricky Gervais movie on his projector video screen. This visa run isn’t so bad! I think.

Tuesday

09:15   I’m at the Thai Embassy, ready to give in my passport and run off to my favourite café. I take a number: it’s 121. They’re calling number 34. This might take a while.

10:00   They’re only on number 80. Why didn’t I listen to Patrick’s advice and get here right at 8:30??

10:22   They call my number. I’m at the front of the line. The administrator practically throws the papers I hand her back in my face. “You put address Laos and address Thailand!” she spits. 

“But I don’t know my Laos address and I don’t know my Thai address!” I retort, thinking for some reason she might take pity on me.

She looks at me blankly for a moment, “You find out,” she says simply, taking the next person’s papers.

I stand there dumbfoundedly wondering what to do. I don’t have Patrick’s mobile number on me (mistake #1), and even if I did, my phone doesn’t work in Laos (mistake #2). I don’t know Patrick’s address (mistake #3), and I don’t know my home address in Bangkok (mistake #4), nor do I have any way of getting this information before the office closes in an hour and a half (mistake #5).

So, I do what anyone else in my predicament would do: I make shit up. I vaguely remember the name of the hotel Amy and I stayed at when we were here three months ago, so I put that down as my Laos address. I believe I wrote: “Souphaxane hotel, near fountain” and then for contact information I wrote: “Patrick Durbin, math teacher” (I later discovered his last name is Durkin, but never mind). For my address in Thailand, I put 31 Sukhumvit, since that is where my friend AJ lives but obviously I don’t know his house number so I’m just hoping that that will pass. The only correct information I put down was my Thai phone number, but that only sometimes works here.

12:00   I call Patrick and explain the situation. He reassures me that it is extremely unlikely that they will actually call the hotel to check that I am staying there, but I am still worried.

13:00   Patrick and I discuss the worst case scenario, and come to the conclusion that if my visa is denied tomorrow, I can always apply again on Thursday and fly back Friday (as I have to work Saturday). But then Patrick says, “Can you just apply again if your visa is denied?” and I’m not sure of the answer to this, so now I’m really worried.

16:30   We head to a local bar for happy hour. No sense sitting around and stewing about the visa – nothing I can do about it until tomorrow. 

The curling iron did in fact come in handy for a night out on the town in Vientiane. We are headed to a Shakespeare play, which at first sounded ominous to me, but Patrick reassures me that it’s going to be quite funny.  

18:30   We walk our slightly tipsy selves to the Novotel, where the play is taking place. I meet the teachers he works with and we all sit down to watch a strange and funny man talk about Shakespeare for two hours.

21:00   Patrick takes me to another bar where we swap funny couch surfing and travel stories over some more Beer Laos, while looking across the canal, into Thailand, which seems so close yet so far away.

Wednesday

09:00   I wake up slightly groggy but manage to get myself back to my café for some quality internet and coffee time. 

12:55   I arrive at the Thai embassy a few minutes early, only to discover an insanely long line-up of tourists waiting for the visa office to open. I trudge to the back of the line and regret not having put on sunscreen.

13:03   The line starts moving before my skin even has a chance to turn a shade darker. Before I know it, I have a number: 100. Great.

13:45   Finally, my number is called. I’ve been chatting with a guy called Emir who lives in Montreal, but is originally from Bosnia and is on his way to Thailand. You really meet interesting people when you’re traveling. Emir seems like a good chap.

13:47   YAYYYYYY!!! I got the visa!! All that worry and stress for nothing. Silly girl. Now I just have to book my train ticket home…

14:15   I manage to find a travel agent and book my train ticket, but they inform me I have to be back at their office in an hour. 

15:20   I unload my bag from Patrick’s truck and give him a big hug and hurry off to the travel office. The bus is waiting for me. It takes half an hour to get to the train station, where we get our passports stamped, and receive our tickets. 

The train doesn’t leave until 17:00, and the station smells like beer.

18:20   The first train was only 15 minutes, and now we’ve been herded onto the second one, which is meant to take 12 hours. I’m sitting in my barely-padded seat, staring out the window, wondering why my phone still doesn’t get reception even though I’m officially in Thailand.

23:45   I’ve been trying to sleep for two hours but it’s so goddamn hot in this carriage, and when I close my bunk curtains so that the creepy man in the corner doesn’t watch me sleep, the fan doesn’t hit me. 

Thursday

06:30   A man walks by calling out “Bangkok, Bangkok”. Wow – we’re actually on time. I get my things together and hobble off the train into the smoggy, bustling, exciting glory that is Bangkok. I’m home!
 
 
Also check out my most recent article published on Bootsnall, about the Expats Vs. Backpacker scene: http://www.bootsnall.com/articles/10-02/expats-vs-backpackers-why-all-the-hate.html 

Last Updated ( Thursday, 04 February 2010 03:09 )

 

PostHeaderIcon White Diamonds in the Rough

White Diamonds and Scott 
 
The other night, I was sat around a table with three gorgeous farang girls and some equally good-looking farang men. As the glasses of clear liquid emptied faster than the ice could melt, the conversation moved towards the topic of white girls in Thailand.

The girls I sat with have been here far longer than I have (about four months), and they were complaining about the lack of attention they receive in this city. Most of the guys, they said, were here for one kind of girl, and one kind of girl only: Thai girls (not to be confused with ‘tigers’, which, interestingly, sounds very similar). 

The guys began mocking them, saying “Oh, poor you, for the first time in your life, you’re not the centre of guys’ attention.” I can understand their point. Until these guys came to Asia, they lived in a world where men have to work for a girls’ attention. In Asia (and Thailand specifically), female attention comes much more…let’s say…naturally. Western men are considered to be a hot commodity over here, and that means western girls are sometimes treated as more of a nuisance – something that just kind of gets in the way of the trans-racial relations that take place here.

These guys implied that since western girls are so hard-pressed for attention in Bangkok, they would jump the first guy who paid attention to them.

Indeed, my very first night out in Bangkok, I went to a party where I was told by at least four different people (men and women) that I would probably go through a bit of a dry spell whilst in Bangkok. Of course, I’m no stranger to Asia, and all the fun things that come with it. I’ve become accustomed to the look in the white guy’s eye when he sees a gorgeous local girl strutting by in her tiny little shorts with her tight little body, to the glisten of the drool dripping slowly out of his mouth. I’m so beyond it that it doesn’t even disgust me anymore – kind of like how a nurse gets used to changing colostomy bags. I just shrug and twist my lips in a funny way that I do when I’m in a situation I can’t do anything about. 

Though my time in Bangkok has been short thus far, I have noticed a stunning amount of fabulous western girls here. We’re talking strong, independent, successful women who are, as it happens, strikingly beautiful. And yet, I see them time and time again sticking together in their own little groups, almost intimidated by the rejection that they fear pends from the many oh-so average-looking western guys with their eyes glued to that Thai girls’ bottom.

Girls! Wake up and see how fucking fabulous you are! You deserve way better than that. The fact is, Bangkok is an international hub, and to think that only one kind of guy comes here is completely insane. There are all kinds of people in this city, and not all of them are here just to meet Thai girls. And many of them are not total douche bags.

I get so sad when I see a gorgeous white girl with a guy who (if you could tell people by appearances, which clearly you cannot, but really you can to a certain extent) just is not up to her standard. I wish the girls here could stop settling. 

The thing is, I get it. I remember being out at a club in Japan after about seven months living there, and having my eye on a particular guy, when I suddenly shook my head and thought what the hell am I thinking! Once I removed what we aptly named my “JET goggles” (JET was the name of the teaching program through which I and other foreigners were employed), I saw that he was someone I never would have found attractive if I’d had any kind of options or hope for better. I vowed from that moment onwards that I would never settle for a guy simply for lack of better options.

But Bangkok is so different from any city in Japan that there isn’t a need for that kind of self-betrayal here. Sure, western guys can get a kind of confidence in this city that makes them think they’re king-shit. But why should they get that kind of privilege, just because some Thai girls resort to pretending to like these guys, in order to feed their families? 

My male friends explained to me that guys come to Thailand because it’s easy. In the west, they have to play ‘the game’ to perfection in order to score a girl, whereas in Thailand, it’s as simple as walking into a bar. Besides, as a blog post I read by a man defending his Thai sex-tourist ways boorishly stated, all men “pay for it one way or another.” Whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy.

So, I have this to say to all the men who come to Bangkok looking for easy women: have your fun, but if you’re any kind of real man, you’re sure to find any relationship that you don’t have to put any effort into (other than your hard-earned cash) exceptionally unsatisfying. Girls you have to work for - be they local or foreign - may take (aw poor you) a bit of work, but the rewards of that work are sure to be returned exponentially.

Furthermore, I have this to say to my white sisters in Bangkok: stop bloody settling!! You’re fabulous; now start acting like it.
 
For valuable insight into the inner workings of the male mind on this topic, check out Harry's blog post, which I don't necessarily agree with but think it's quirky and interesting enough to validate consideration: http://www.harrykey.com/blogs/2010/02/02/why-white-girls-are-crazy-and-where-nerds-go-to-bangkok/
 

Last Updated ( Thursday, 04 February 2010 03:07 )

 

PostHeaderIcon My Fly New Pad in BK

Well tomorrow is move-in day to my new apartment in Bangkok. That's right - I will finally, finally have a permanent address (temporarily anyways). Today, I took over a suitcase and brought my camera to take some pictures. I thought I'd post them here for your eyein' pleasure (sorry Facebook Pirate has got me tongue laced with sum frothy words, matey!!). 

Welcome to My Home

my bangkok hallway 
This is the living room area...type...place...

My fly kitchen 
The fly kitchen

entrance to the wash pad 
The bathroom entrance way

The other bedroom
Where my fly roommate gets to sleep

My fly chambers 
Where my fly self gets to sleep

my fly couch
Where homies be sleepin' when they come stay at this fly pad

roommates room from another angle 
The other bedroom from another angle

So there you have it!! Hope you enjoyed this tour. Clearly, I've got some decorating to do. 

Last Updated ( Thursday, 28 January 2010 14:34 )

 

PostHeaderIcon A Trip to the Grand Palace...Finally

So I finally went to see the Grand Palace yesterday. It was definitely very glittery. The palace serves as the official residence of the Thai king. Which must be well annoying for him, having all these tourists around, when he's trying to get some rest. Or, rather, it would be were he not in the hospital. Oh but actually, the current King of Thailand - who is now 82, but you'd just never know it by how youthful he looks in all the photos from the 1970s plastered all around the city! - resides at Chitralada Palace with the Queen...when he is in good health. So... I'm confused. What purpose, exactly, is the palace serving?

Some very strong dwarfy things
Well done, guys, keep it up!

Well since I do research as I write, I have just discovered, that, actually, the palace is still 'very much in use': many royal rituals are performed here by the King each year. Thank goodness all the millions of dollars' worth of shiny, glittery structures are still being put to good use. 

Kaila and some weird bird king
Betrothed to a Bird King....just what I've always dreamed of

Since after a while, one glittery building kind of looks like another, we decided to liven things up a bit by taking silly photos around the palace. I was with some Aussie boys that I'd met a few nights before. One of them, Harry, was particularly excellent at being able to mimick every object in the palace. And he proceeded to do so throughout the entire visit, contorting himself into a tree, a building, a garbage bin, a street lamp, and various statues.

The king would not approve of this 
The King would probably not approve of this

There were loads of tourists visiting, and I got thinking about how much income that must generate. Each tourist has to pay (what I think is extortionate:) 350 baht to enter. That is like 10 USD. In Thailand, that's a shitload of money. Anyways, I wonder what they do with that money? Surely it can't all be for palace maintenance?

Oh here's a picture of the palace itself:

The Grand Palace 
Yayyyy there it is.

And now, purely for your (and my) entertainment, a picture of a douche bag posing with a Royal Palace guard: 

Some douche bag 

A note to girls that are considering going to the Grand Palace: you have to be pretty careful what you wear. Even cropped pants that cover the knee are not acceptable, but for some reason, above the knee skirts are ok. You cannot show your shoulders, or wear anything see-through (duh). Otherwise, you have to borrow clothes at the front office, and you may be forced to wear horrible purple pants, a la this guy:

purple pants you look like Barney 

Sorry! I should stop making fun. But yeah, that's just a cautionary tale: wear pants to the Grand Palace. 

Last Updated ( Tuesday, 26 January 2010 07:44 )

 

PostHeaderIcon Bangkok Apartment: CHECK

Bangkok apartment: signed, sealed, and ready for action!! I got the place. I’m so excited about it. I move in on Friday.

I had a job interview for a part-time English teaching position, and I have a demo class tomorrow. So, that’s an apartment and a possible job all in one week in Bangkok. Not too shabby, I must say!!

Tonight, there is so much going on, it’s making my head spin. I've got some friends I met traveling in town, some girls I met last night (but who Amy met ages ago) who are going out, then there's the couch surfers.... and the Aussie boys I went white water rafting with are in town too. Wow. But I have to teach tomorrow so I have to be good.
 
Next week, I have to do a visa run and I'm not sure whether to go to Laos (which is a pain in the ass cuz Canadians have to pay $42 for a Laos visa) or to Malaysia......but I'm leaning towards Laos just cuz I'm not particularly excited to go back to Kuala Lumpur. 

 

PostHeaderIcon The Bangkok Apartment Hunt Continues

Since my last post, I have seen five apartments. Five. The first one I didn't like because it was actually too big (I'd have to buy so much shit to fill it) and it was too far from the train station. The second one, I loved, but it was really far (the last bts stop, and 20 minutes from downtown...far by Bangkok standards). The third one, I saw today - that was the one recommended to me by AJ. There was only a two-bedroom available, but it was nice and big. However, it was really old. It looked like it was out of the 1950s. I didn't get a good feeling from it. I saw another two-bedroom in the same complex, which was also nice, but again, too big, and still slightly too old. 

So I was walking back to the train station, scratching my head about what to do next, when I came across a little blue sign that read "Apartment for rent" and had a little arrow pointing down an alleyway. I followed the arrow and found a maid who spoke about ten words of English, who managed to tell me that the place was a two-bedroom, and renting for 15,000 baht a month (that's about $480 a month). An incredible deal for a two-bedroom right downtown (it's literally 1km from city centre). The place is still under renovation - there are newspapers everywhere and fresh paint is glistening on the walls, but I got a really good impression of the place.

The two bedrooms are about the same size, both with huge boudoirs, beds with foam mattresses, and massive windows. There is a nice, big bathroom with a bath tub and a separate, ENCLOSED shower (you don't get that much over here). And, my favourite part: there is a full kitchen. We're talking four-unit stove with AN OVEN!!! (I haven't seen that anywhere in Bangkok), and a full-sized refrigerator with a separate freezer. The living room is roomy enough, with a small couch. There is no TV, but I don't really need one. Did I mention it's only 15,000 baht??? 

So, I'm hopefully going to get a hold of the owner this afternoon, and I will sign the contract today if I can. I don't imagine it will be difficult to find a roommate, and I can afford to be choosy.

Even if this place doesn't work out, I've now seen six Bangkok apartments, so I'm starting to really get a sense of what I want and don't want. It is true that it pays to hold off a bit.

I'm also going in for a part-time English teaching job interview on Friday. I won't teach English full-time while I'm here (ugg...memories of Japan...) but I am happy to spend up to 10 hours a week making some extra cash. Other than that, I just want to write, write, write.  

Finally, I have decided that while I'm here, it would probably be a good time to learn a little Thai. Thus, I am introducing a new column in Blonde Traveler: The Don't Cry, Learn Some Thai column. Each day, I will put up a new Thai word or phrase that I will learn, and others can feel free to learn with me. Or not, whatever. Here it is:

Learn to Speak a Little Thai
Don't Cry, Learn Some Thai! 

Last Updated ( Wednesday, 20 January 2010 07:43 )

 
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